MEET THE OLIGARCHY’S COO, ESOHE IRABOR


After watching hours of how-to videos about blogs, I’m excited to start this one. The internet gurus recommended that I “write informally” and “show my personality”. So, I will attempt to do so—and I hope y’all survive it.


Who am I?

Or rather, as I think you are more interested in, how am I?

Let me get you started with a slew of self-descriptors that I endorse:

West-African (Edo-Nigerian) Youth. American “Citizen”. Speaks The Wrong Language. Female. Family-Oriented. (For Lack of a Better Term,) Pro-Black. Intelligent. Reserved. Passionate. Proud. Boss. Blunt. Vindictive. Persistent. Avid Reader (Dystopian, Fantasy, Philosophy, Fiction, Activist Texts, etc.). Competitive. Scientist. Creative. Liberal. Religious Skeptic. High-Strung. Low-Key Clairvoyant. Human Lie Detector. Low-Key Germophobe. Occasionally Oblivious. Fledgling Mystic. Definition Of: ‘If Looks Could Kill’. Anachronistic. Dislocated Royalty. Homebody With A Bad Case of Wanderlust. Habitual User Of Metaphors, Allegory & Similes. Frequently Misunderstood, But Barely Gives A Fuck Since Most Folks Are Likely To Be Irrelevant In The Long Run: So Honestly, What Do I Need Them To “Understand” Me For?

Below is a short list of my standardized personality test descriptors (et al.) that you may be more familiar with:

Myers-Briggs: INTJ-T

Western Zodiac: Aquarius

Eastern (Chinese) Zodiac: (Black Water) Rooster

Numerology: (Life Path) 7, (Expression/Destiny) 5, (Soul Urge/Heart’s Desire) 11

Next, here are some of the most intriguing alleged descriptors that people have used when referring to me:

“Sassy”. “Sweet”. Lots of different words, sentences or phrases that insinuate: “Condescending”. “Polemic”. “Talented”. “Weird”. “Well-spoken”. “Activist”. “Amazing”. “Bitch”. “Poor Social Skills”. “Genius”. Lots of different words, sentences or phrases used by authority figures that insinuate: “Insolent”. “Unique”. “Geek”. “Too Much.” “White”. “Insensitive”. “Sensitive”. “Attitude”./“Nasty Attitude“. Woke”. “Intimidating”. “Emotional.” “Opinionated”. “Hot-tempered”. “Strong Black Woman”. “Mean”. “Petty”. Lots of different words, sentences or phrases that insinuate: “Overreacts”. “Arrogant”./“She thinks she’s better than everybody”. “Humble”. “Bully”./”It’s your way or the highway”. “Disrespectful”. Lots of different words, sentences or phrases that insinuate: “Aloof”. “Beautiful”. “Ugly”. “African Booty-Scratcher”. “Funny”. “Crazy”. “Dumb Blonde”.

Oh yeah, and:

“Racist” (<-Complete Bullshit Because It’s Philosophically Impossible).

As I said, the jury is out on these allegations. You’ll have to decide for yourselves which, if any of them, are true. But I’m telling you now though: if you ask me directly, I’d likely plead “not guilty” to each of them.

The last things about me or my personality that I’d like to disclose are as follows:

I always prefer the truth. I seek it out relentlessly. It’s just, like, a thing.

My favorite music genres are Funk, Afrobeats, R&B and Classical (in that order). I love chocolate (specifically 60% Dark Chocolate).

My favorite color is green. I will also state here that I believe it is the best color. I am open to debate if you disagree. In addition to green being my favorite color, green also serves as a philosophy in my life.

That’s all for now.

So, what do you think?

Feel like sticking around?

- Esohe Irabor


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